Image source: John M Lund Photography Inc via Getty Images
Throughout my childhood, I had many wonderful friendships, but one group truly left their mark on me.
Cabin, Mia, and Hannah have been my best friends since childhood, and I remember so many happy memories we spent together. On hot summer days, we would spend hours making chains of tulips, spotting strange cloud shapes, and practicing handstands and acrobatic jumps.
We were an inseparable foursome, but we weren't the traditional kind: Cabin, Mia, and Hanna were a figment of my imagination.
I didn't create these characters because I felt lonely, ashamed, or lacking friends in reality. In fact, after all these years, I still don't know where it came from or why.
Regardless of the origin of these friends, research on imaginary friends suggests that I was lucky to have them.
Image source: Isobel Heywood
The friendly milk carton
By the age of seven, two-thirds of children have an imaginary friend, a character they have created that they interact with or talk about on a regular basis, according to psychologists Naomi Aguiar and Marjorie Taylor at Oregon State University in the US.
“These children don't have fewer friends, they have the same number of mutual friendships as children who don't have imaginary friends,” says Aguiar, a psychologist and author of Imaginary Friends and the People Who Make Them. “The fact that the data shows is that they are similar to other children in almost every way.”
"A lot of kids create imaginary friends because they're fun and because they really like social interactions," she says.
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But research suggests that these imaginary creatures can have benefits beyond just providing companionship.
Children who have imaginary friends may excel at being creative storytellers, and may be less shy, more interested in imagination, better able to focus their attention, use screens less, and may have clearer mental images than children who do not have imaginary friends.
Image source: Getty Images/BBC
Aguiar explains that each imaginary friend is unique. It differs from one child to another, and the child often designs it to suit his constantly changing whims and needs during the stages of childhood.
One of her favorite examples is the story of a girl who had an imaginary friend in the form of an invisible milk carton. Aguiar says the milk carton taught the girl what life is like when you are not a human being, while the milk carton taught the girl what life is like when you are a human being.
My imaginary friends appeared when I was about three years old.
Hanna and Mia were inspired by two girls who appeared in a movie about ballet. They were never walking, but were jumping, jumping, and constantly spinning in a continuous series of ballet movements. They were wearing matching soft light pink ballet outfits, consisting of tights, ballet skirts and dancing shoes.
But I have no idea where Cabin came from.
He was older than the three of us, and had an obvious sophistication that was embodied in a gray cloud that followed him wherever he went. He would often hide behind the scenes, offering wise advice when the need arose.
Get to know the minds of others
“The most important part of an imaginary companion for me is creating a mind and interacting with that mind,” says Paige Davis, associate professor of developmental psychology and psychopathology at the University of Leeds in the UK.
Some are based on real people or embodied objects, and others are embodied in the form of an animal or fantasy creature.
Marta Jimenez-Dassi, of the University of Valencia in Spain, and her colleagues found that children ages four to six who had imaginary friends scored higher than children without imaginary friends on tests of theory of mind and emotional understanding.
This means that they were better able to understand that others have beliefs, desires, and intentions that differ from their own beliefs, desires, and intentions.
However, it is not clear whether this emotional understanding results from forming relationships with imaginary friends, or if it happens the other way around; That is, children who are interested in understanding what is going on in the minds of others are more likely to create imaginary friends.
Practice friendship
Davis and her colleagues investigated whether the benefits of having imaginary friends extend beyond children with normal neurodevelopment.
Davis says that children with autism make and maintain successful friendships, yet their approach to communication, social understanding and emotional understanding often differs from their non-autistic peers, which can impact relationships.
Davis also says they often indulge in imaginative play in a slightly different way, usually engaging in activities like drawing rather than pretending.
Taken together, this suggests that they may have a lower tendency to create imaginary friends.
However, when Davis interviewed parents of 124 children with autism, she found that 49 percent of participants reported that their child had created an imaginary friend between the ages of 1 and 11.
Experts say that through these friendships, children with autism create an opportunity to practice social interactions, which they may otherwise find difficult.
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“Creating an imaginary friend can provide a safe, risk-free space to explore and experiment,” says Tracy Gleason, a psychology professor at Wellesley College in the US.
“Parents of children with autism who created an imaginary friend reported that they felt their children had a better ability to understand the minds of others than parents of children who did not have imaginary friends,” Davis says. “These children also showed a much greater interest in spending time with others or making new friends.”
Imaginary friendships can also help children begin to develop their personal boundaries, understand what makes them feel comfortable, learn how to handle difficult conversations, and find common ground that helps them solve problems.
Aguiar gives the example of a child who has a friend at school who keeps stealing his favorite toy truck. She says: Maybe this child has an imaginary friend who always does the same thing, i.e. steals his favorite truck.
Through his imaginary friend, the child can scream, then apologize, and then reach a mutual agreement to solve the problem.
“This is appropriate for the child’s natural development, because he is the one who directs the problem-solving process,” Aguiar says.
Friends for life?
“I think a lot of people have the impression that imaginary friendships are associated with early childhood, and that they're not part of other stages of development,” Gleason says. “But the truth is that they also happen during the teenage and adult years.”
In a recent study that is still under peer review, Gleason found that a number of adults have imaginary friends.
Of the 56 participants who reported having an imaginary friend, 68 percent said they created this friend before the age of 20, while about 30 percent of participants said they created their imaginary friend during adulthood.
Gleeson says adults create imaginary friendships for many reasons, ranging from a sense of companionship and social support, to intellectual emulation, stimulation, affection, emotional intimacy, seeking advice and help with moral issues, as well as having some fun and entertainment to relieve the stresses of everyday life in adulthood.
“It's kind of about being able to fit in, feel part of a group, and do your job well,” Gleason says, noting that imaginary friends can help adults rehearse work-related situations and scenarios.
She adds: "They also help to grow and develop, and give a person the opportunity to become the person he wants to be, and to live the life he desires."
While some imaginary friends disappear at the end of childhood, others remain by their friends' side, offering them a helping hand throughout the various stages of their lives.
Cabin, Mia, and Hannah were a wonderful source of companionship, perhaps helping me realize my own developmental questions that I hadn't realized I needed answers to at the time.
But when I was about nine years old, and approaching adolescence, Kabin, Mia, and Hana disappeared, leaving me to face life on my own.
Whenever I imagine us now, huddled together in the garden, watching the clouds sway and form around each other, a warm feeling fills my chest.
I know that Hannah and Mia's amazing spin shows are a thing of the past.
As for Kabin, it is difficult to know whether he will return or not. There may come a time in the future when I need his guidance. And I have a feeling that if that happens, he will be by my side, following in my footsteps with his gray cloud of wisdom.
We used artificial intelligence to help translate this article, which was originally written in English. This translation was reviewed by a BBC journalist before publication. More about how we use AI.
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